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Habits of the Heart
by Veronica A. Leach-Zinkham, MA, NCC, LPC
Do you often feel suspended in midair, not knowing how to move from the life you live to the life you desire? Ask yourself what you value most. Is it family, relationships and health? How are you really living? Are you overworking, overeating, and talking to your kids while watching TV, talking to a loved one while checking your email?
In a world of 24-hour super stores, cell phones, and fast foot, habits of the heart are nearly forgotten. Have you strayed from acting according to your deeply held values and a broader sense of purpose? Physical, emotional and spiritual capacities become exhausted if you do not make the time for renewal and revitalization of the self. Putting the self first is not selfish – it is necessary for healthy relationships.
You can learn how to shape your life and build a better future. Positive lifestyle change is possible through simply developing daily positive rituals. What is a ritual you ask. Positive rituals are nothing more than self-disciplines. Like playing the piano, practice and training help one improve technique. Without self-discipline, you slip back. Through heart intentioned, clearly defined goals and proactive steps (rituals), you can develop a more balanced lifestyle grounded in your values.
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence isn’t an act, but a habit.” - Aristotle
Let us examine:
Are you attempting to juggle the chaos of a demanding career, a busy family, and over-committed schedule of kids’ activities?
Do you make conscious decisions about what to eat? How you exercise?
Are you driven, preoccupied, short-tempered, and stressed?
Does kindness matter to you and are you practicing it? Are you accountable?
Do you take time for yourself, to de-stress, rest, reflect, be still?
5 Techniques of Effective Change
1. Maintain a base level of physical energy
Fatigue, irritability, lack of patience, and difficulty concentrating are conditions affecting our ability to communicate effectively. Monitoring and limiting caffeine, alcohol, white flour and sugar can affect mood and fatigue levels. Too little water, insufficient rest, unhealthy diet, lack of exercise and sleep can rob us of clarity of thought.
Tips:
§ Begin the day with a good breakfast.
§ Eat a balanced diet.
§ Drink lots of water.
§ Go to bed early and get up early.
§ Get exercise, both aerobic and weight bearing.
2. Use your natural oscillation
Glucose and blood pressure levels naturally drop about every 90 minutes. Rather than push relentlessly, frequent breaks, and brief time-outs for self-care help to promote our capacity for focus, patience, and improved work performance. Key is learning to manage energy, not expend time.
3. Connect with your deepest values
In order to connect with your deep core values, take a moment and reflect:
What you are like when you are at your best.
Three qualities you admire in someone you respect.
The sentence you would like on your tombstone.
Top five values – in areas of family, health, community, financial security.
4. Harness the power of ritual
Living out your values requires positive behavior change. For change to become automatic:
§ Set achievable goals
§ Make your surroundings “cooperatively friendly” – clean out junk food, buy comfortable walking shoes, etc.
§ Record your progress or share with a friend.
§ Be patient with yourself; begin slowly.
§ Focus on one change at a time.
§ Seek social support.
§ Expect “slips.”
5. Think like an athlete
Change doesn’t occur overnight; it is cultivated. It builds like a muscle; it requires training; it’s an investment of physical, emotional and spiritual energy. Change is cultivated. If you want to be effective and happy, you need to include on your lists of values, not only words like “excellence,” “effort,” and “integrity,” but “self-acceptance,” “persistence,” and “forgiveness.” Practice may not make perfect and that’s OK. We all are works in process – developing, maturing, growing and becoming – striving towards deeper emotional wisdom.
Veronica A. Leach-Zinkham, MA, NCC, LPC, Nationally Certified and Licensed Professional Counselor, can be reached at (724) 940-7649
