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Boomer Humor: Here's the Reality: TV Needs an Extreme Makeover

By Ron Cichowicz

Now I know how the Kevin McCarthy character felt in the Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Remember his wild-eyed look of sheer panic as he ran into the street, dodging cars and trying to convince anyone who would listen that some alien race was trying to take over mankind?

Or how about William Shatner (and later, John Lithgow), in the Twilight Zone episode on the airplane, where only he could see some bizarre monster on the wing trying to tear out one of the engines?

Well, that fear pulsing through the characters played by McCarthy, Shatner and Lithgow is the same kind I experience every time they announce that television will add to its already mind-numbing lineup yet another reality show.

You would think this would be almost too easy of a target to criticize and ridicule yet, it’s much like Barry Manilow music. Everyone says they hate it, but Manilow—like producers of reality TV—hasn’t worried about the price of gasoline for some time now. So obviously, quite a few people are buying Manilow concert tickets and CDs and singing along to Mandy on the car stereo, and quite a few more continue tuning in to watch The Apprentice, Fear Factor, The Bachelor and the rest.

I have heard with my own ears individuals who I otherwise respect as intelligent and thoughtful excuse themselves from enjoyable social events because they wanted to get home to watch Survivor.

I guess I just long for the days when we knew television was a vast wasteland, but its inhabitants were honest-to-gosh B-list stars like Larry Hagman, Bill Bixby, Fred McMurray, Donna Reed, Bea Arthur, Tom Selleck … you know, all the folks who regularly appeared on Love Boat or Fantasy Island.

Now we get Paris Hilton and The Simple Life. You all remember Paris Hilton, whose qualifications for becoming a television star is that she was born into money and has lots of free time. No doubt her story encourages all aspiring actors to study their craft and pay their dues.

Then there are the programs that match up lovers, like Joe Schmo, the aforementioned The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, and Joe Millionaire, to name a few. So we learn that money, even just the chance to get some, really can buy love—or at least justify faking it. And now we have more programs like Temptation Island and For Love or Money, which will prove once and for all that most people will gladly give up true love—if the price is right. (It’s just another honest lesson to learn, like how Extreme Makeover taught us that the secret to true happiness can be found on the surface rather in the content of our hearts or our character. What a time saver!)

Be honest: how many of us, when we watch the movie Indecent Proposal, turned to our significant other and said, “I’d never give you to another person, even for one day, no matter how much money was at stake”? Apparently, we are all a bunch of liars.

Soon, more variations of reality shows will flood our living rooms. We’ll be able to see who might become The Next Action Star and, with a little luck, maybe one of them will grow up to become governor of California. And by watching Into Character, we can watch regular folks step into famous movie roles, like Rocky. Imagine one of your neighbors—for instance, the old guy with the beer belly who can barely mow his lawn without risking a heart attack—running up those famous museum steps in Philadelphia.

I’ll admit, on rare occasion, it could be interesting, in a “watching a train wreck” kind of way. But mostly, it will be deadly dull to everyone except the person who has gone Into Character. Think home movies meet special effects.

You know it won’t stop there. Eventually everyone will star in his or her own television programs, and you will spend all your time just watching … You! The ultimate reality show: we can all watch a television show of ourselves watching ourselves on television.

I can hardly wait to see me coming to a television set near me. On second thought, wouldn’t it be cheaper to hang floor-to-ceiling mirrors everywhere?

Ron Cichowicz, writer and lecturer, is a contributing writer for Pittsburgh Boomers and Western PA Hospital News. If your business or organization would like to invite Ron to present a program on the "Positive Benefits of Humor," contact him at rontc@sprynet.com.